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Sunday, 04 March 2007

Lovesong

Lovesong - Ted Hughes

He loved her and she loved him.
His kisses sucked out her whole past and future or tried to
He had no other appetite
She bit him she gnawed him she sucked
She wanted him complete inside her
Safe and sure forever and ever
Their little cries fluttered into the curtains

Her eyes wanted nothing to get away
Her looks nailed down his hands his wrists his elbows
He gripped her hard so that life
Should not drag her from that moment
He wanted all future to cease
He wanted to topple with his arms round her
Off that moment's brink and into nothing
Or everlasting or whatever there was

Her embrace was an immense press
To print him into her bones
His smiles were the garrets of a fairy palace
Where the real world would never come
Her smiles were spider bites
So he would lie still till she felt hungry
His words were occupying armies
Her laughs were an assassin's attempts
His looks were bullets daggers of revenge
His glances were ghosts in the corner with horrible secrets
His whispers were whips and jackboots
Her kisses were lawyers steadily writing
His caresses were the last hooks of a castaway
Her love-tricks were the grinding of locks
And their deep cries crawled over the floors
Like an animal dragging a great trap
His promises were the surgeon's gag
Her promises took the top off his skull
She would get a brooch made of it
His vows pulled out all her sinews
He showed her how to make a love-knot
Her vows put his eyes in formalin
At the back of her secret drawer
Their screams stuck in the wall

Their heads fell apart into sleep like the two halves
Of a lopped melon, but love is hard to stop

In their entwined sleep they exchanged arms and legs
In their dreams their brains took each other hostage

In the morning they wore each other's face
A Geology Lesson ... in Love

For various reasons of late, I have been pondering the nature of desire and obsession, and the fine line that exists between a ‘warm fuzzy feeling of longing’ - and downright despair and desperation. While reading New Scientist (… honestly!) I was immediately struck by an unexpected similarity between the process of earthquakes and the romantic encounters we experience throughout our life.

Definition: Transform boundaries: “These occur when two plates slip past each other. This slipping however generally doesn't happen smoothly - because of friction the plates remain in place for a while, building up a kind of stored potential energy from the forces trying to move them, and then this energy is released suddenly when the forces become too large. This sudden release of energy results in an earthquake. A notable example of a transform boundary is the San Andreas Fault in California.”

I read a personal story recently about a woman (I've forgotten her name, so let's call her Laura..) who felt herself 'drawn' to a man she barely knew, just a friend of a family friend. It was so out of the question that anything could happen - he was married, as was she. In fact, she knew very little about him and often wondered what was causing these feelings of attraction. Yet her heart raced at the slightest communication with him, a rare smile bestowed upon her from him made her disintegrate blissfully inside. She had known him for almost a year in passing, and although she had never really gotten to know him, there was something about him she had always felt wary about, right from day one. She suspected that if he had ever asked the right questions, she would have been exposed. This creature had so much power all along - and never even knew it. But now, she was finding this unsettling sensation increasingly difficult to ignore...

Weeks passed by but that ‘yearning’ feeling had still not disappeared. Laura actually wondered if she was losing her mind. She began to interpret certain random events as signs from the gods that something powerful was driving their paths together … a sleepy, innocent song playing in a café as she walked by would arrive upon her ears as warm raindrops of foreboding .. the mere thought of him made her forgetful of everyday mundane stuff, she was lost in a sort of daydream .. and despite her reasoning she continued to see these little so-called signs..

But despite her secret 'unfulfilled' crush, her life did not really suffer at all. In fact, she noticed herself feeling happier. Accepting there was probably nothing she could do but enjoy the feeling while it lasted, she realised that in fact the 'wanting' in itself felt good. It was like a life lesson - that we cannot always have what we want - but that can actually be a positive feeling. So she finally laughed at herself for having been so perturbed.

But at least she laughed.

A few days ago, an incident in Orlando, Florida made world headlines: Astronaut Lisa Nowak, head-over-heels in love with her colleague, fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein, jumped into her car and drove 950 miles to apparently 'snuff out' her rival for his affections, one "Colleen Shipman" (yes, you guessed it, an astronaut as well). So determined was Nowak to get to Shipman without any interruptions that she even wore diapers (so she would not have to make any toilet stops during the journey)

Now that's dedication.
I asked myself: what is the difference between Laura and Lisa? Is there any difference at all (aside from a knife, rubber tubing, trash bags, a can of pepper spray and one extremely putrid diaper)? They both want what they could not have, right?

Well I think there is a difference...

Just like the "transform boundaries", two people's paths can be destined to slip past each other uneventfully, but for whatever reason, the plan goes slightly off-course and they both touch upon each other unexpectedly. This contact can be a pleasant surprise or a nasty shock - for one - or both, depending... The problem occurs however when it's time to let go. Sometimes this does not go so smoothly.. the friction preventing them from easily detaching can be so powerful that disaster ensues...

In Laura's case however, friction never occured; the idea of it occuring was the 'fix' that thrilled her. Much like foreplay itself, the longing gave her more pleasure than it's potential 'conclusion' and the more impossible the chance of 'getting' that man, the more sweet was the 'agony' ... ballads were more beautiful than ever before, rainy stormy nights had never felt as cold, poems finally meant something - she was really *feeling* at last. And for that, she was grateful..

Sadly for Lisa Nowak the idea of pining for something that she could not have was just terrifying. She decided at any cost to minimise the chances of that ever occuring - namely, by removing one of the potential obstacles to her imaginary happiness. Rather than embracing the feeling of longing, she decided to make a futile attempt to prevent it from ever occurring. Even if she had managed to extinguish Colleen Shipman, there was nothing she could ever have done to 'have' Bill Oefelein exclusively and for all eternity.

Would stomach-wrenching jealousy on a ruby-leaved autumn afternoon not have been preferable to years of medicated numbness and orange jumpsuits?

I guess this comes down to our attitude to not being able to get what we want. We can either resent it, or welcome it as a constant presence that gives us something to aspire towards. Because without some sort of yearning in our lives we become stale, lazy ... if desire is looked at from the right angle, it can actually be a great catalyst for our heart and mind.
I think I love Nelly

I have finally found THE song that reminds of what it was like to discover Madonna at age 9! Aaggh! I'm bopping around my parents living room again - after too many years!

I love this:

Friday, 02 March 2007

Podcast Paradise

For me, podcasts are one of the few internet-based services I have really come to depend on. Kind of like napster, gmail, Windows Live Messenger et al, podcasts quicky became a permanent and essential part of my "digital existence".
The word confused me a bit at the start, especially in my pre-ipod era, until I realized 'Podcast' is just a fancy word for "audio recording". Subscribing to a 'channel' is kind of like setting a recording timer for a regular radio show - except you don't have to worry about programming any timer - your podcast software (most likely itunes) will download the latest shows for you.

And you don't need a 'pod' to listen to them - you can choose to just listen to them on your PC, or they can be transferred onto any MP3 player if you know what you're doing (although the simplicity with which my ipod duplicates my itunes setup will probably keep me a hardcore Apple fan for a long time to come). And if you have a video media player (such as the iPod Video) you can enjoy signing up for regular downloads of videocasts (ie. instead of just 'radio shows' you are recording 'tv shows' as well). Not only are podcasts free 'subscriptions', but you are sure to find a podcast on any conceivable topic you might be interested in. A good place to start is here. ( Podcast italiani qui )

Some of my favs are:

Berkeley Lectures - You don't need to physically be in a California lecture hall to enjoy these wonderful talks. Best of all, you don't need to pay the tuition fees! And if, like me, you miss the days where you got out of bed to listen and learn something new (rather than work 9-5) then you can find a compromise here: listen to lectures on your way to work! (well, it's better than nothing!)

Gmail podcast - Nice little short tips and tricks so you can get the most from your gmail account.

Web User Podcast - A fortnightly discussion on all the latest web news, software, sites, and gadgets etc

Kermode - One of the funniest and yet intelligent film review shows.

The PiECast - One of the brilliant things about podcasting is that it's great for language learners

Allocine - A videocast that lets you watch all the latest movie trailers

Podictionary - Every day you can spend 3 or 4 minutes learning the origins of an English word.

Amazon Wire - basically, if you like the stuff on Amazon, you will most likely also enjoy the material here, including the interviews with authors, musicians and actors.